Love and Respect

Like I said Candace and I went to the Love and Respect conference Friday and Saturday. It was very good. Here are a few of the questions that I came away with…

Is it OK for him to have a need you don’t have?

Is it OK for her to have a need you don’t have?

For the husband…Did I come across as unloving?

For the wife…Did I come across as disrespectful?

For him when she has to talk…Do you want a solution or do you just need me to listen?

Emerson Eggerichs has several books out and I would recommend them for anyone wanting to improve their marriage. He has the ability of taking the complex husband/wife communication skills and breaking them down into easily understandable terms. The skills you will learn can also be helpful when it comes to relating to others in general.

love and respect

Candace and I along with several other couples went to a love and respect video conference friday evening and saturday. We’ve been married 25 years and it is our intention to continue learning how to have a better marriage. More on the conference later. We are praying about hosting a video conference for our church family and those in the community. Any thoughts??? Like most conferences you get a workbook, more info than you could possibly put into practice in a short amount of time. But there was enough to this conference to make me want to spend some time working through the material with my wife.

truth #2

Communicating the truth can be a lesson in persistence and patience. But also thoughtfulness. As followers of Jesus Christ we have been given the mission of communicating the truth to those within earshot…or to those with internet access. 

“Start with the truth. Identify the worldview of the people you need to reach. Describe the truth through their worldview. That’s your story. When you overreach, you always fail. Not today, but sooner or later, the truth wins out. Negative or positive, the challenge isn’t just to tell the truth. It’s to tell truth that resonates.”  Seth Godin

With the advice of Seth how can you communicate the truth of Jesus Christ more effectively? Telling the story of Christ in a way that resonates. Remember, if we love we look for ways to communicate so our audience can hear. Words released from our lips is not the same thing as truth communicated. 

truth #1

I am going to blog this week about truth. Growing up I was involved in a mental search for truth. Why this? and why that? As I grew older I became overwhelmed with the abundance of material that had to be overcome in order to discover the “truth”. As overwhelmed as I was I kept plugging along, all the while getting more frustrated and the realization that I may run out of time before the truth is discovered. That did not set well, because for me knowing the truth about some fundamental questions was important to me. Questions about our existence, purpose or reason for living, hope while living, etc.

Totally unrelated to my search for the truth I placed my trust in Jesus Christ, to save me…to forgive me my sins. I wasn’t expecting to find the truth in Jesus only hope for this tired and burdened soul. I started reading the New Testament and shortly came to the middle of the book of John where Jesus says, I am the truth (John 14.6). What the truth is a person and not necessarily some abstract piece of information that needs to be pieced together. This rocked my world. To understand truth I needed to pursue a person. To understand truth I needed to learn who he is. I felt a huge amount of relief then and still to this day. 

Make no mistake about it this has been a statement I am growing to understand. What a concept truth flows from the one who created all that has been created. The beautiful thing is he has made himself available to learn from. He has not shut himself off in a far part of creation. He entered into our world and said let me show you or learn from me. May we make it our focus to pursue truth.

Language for the lifestyle #2

Ok, so check out the list. How did we do? Remember our goal is to help the person who is new to following Christ with a vocabulary for this journey, and for a common language for our community of faith. Sometimes we toss these terms around thinking everyone has the same understanding.

Language for the Lifestyle…terms to become comfortable with 

Age to Come…the age when Jesus assumes his role as king over everyone and everything

Baptism…public act of identifying with Jesus Christ, by being immersed in water

Covenant…a promise or contract

Cross…instrument on which Jesus was nailed, symbol of death

Death…separation (when we die we are separated from loved ones)

Disciple…follower of a teacher

Faith…believing what you cannot see as being true

The Father…sent his Son to be our Savior/Redeemer and sent the Holy Spirit to indwell

Forgiveness…removing the guilt of a wrong or sin

God…Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Grace…a gift that can take various forms

The Holy Spirit…makes Jesus known, lives in believers, convicts of sin

Kingdom of God…where God’s authority rules, now in part one day fully

Maturity…growing in one’s ability to love

Mercy…not getting what you deserve

Messiah…one who was promised who would deliver the people of God

Prayer…talking to God

Redemption…paying a price to buy someone or something

Repent…to turn from one thing and start heading in another direction

Resurrection…raising from the dead

Sacrifice…something/someone given on behalf of another

Salvation…process where God forgives and makes us his children

Satan…enemy of God, fallen angel, leader of those who rebel against God

Savior…one who saves others

Sin…actions/attitudes that are contrary to God’s desire, separates us from God

The Son…Makes the Father known, lived sinless life, died as a sacrifice for sins

Spiritual Warfare…the fight against evil

Transformation…process of being changed

Witness…to tell what one has seen or experienced

Bible…66 books written over 1400 years by 40 separate authors telling the story of God

Worship…expressing love to another

Fear #3

So, we have to admit that fear is a reality (Not as a force but as a possible emotion or reaction to the events in our lives and in the world around us). A reality for us and for all of those around us. But even though it is a reality does not mean that it has to be a controlling force in our lives. We can admit to fear being a possible reaction but we do not have to give room to fear. Even writing this I know that some people are going to say, “what world do you live in?” Yet isn’t this the fight we are engaged in. Or put a little differently, isn’t this the life we have been called to. To live in a world with forces that would lead me away from believing or trusting God, yet remaining faith-filled trusting in his provision/protection/presence.

Most people have fears that re-occur. Fear of falling or fear of being alone or fear of bad news in some form…etc. Fear about some insecurity we have. The insecurity can be about anything. When we lose security we sense fear. When we sense things are out of control we experience fear. We then picture different scenarios as to how the sequence of events is going to play itself out (thus putting ourself in the place of God…which is foolish because none of us knows the future? But we have creative and sometimes unhealthy imaginations). If we don’t like the ending to our little scenario one of the emotions we can experience is fear. 

Psalm 112.7-8 talks about a righteous man having no fear of bad news because his heart is secure trusting in the Lord. If we are living an unrighteous life we can expect fear to reign. We are stepping out of his realm of authority/protection/provision. If we live a righteous life we can expect to be secure. Which translates to not living in fear. Part of living a righteous life is right actions. Another part is knowing the Lord so we can trust him.

Are you secure? Are you living a righteous life? Do you know the one we call Lord? Do you know what your fears are? Can you imagine living your life without the controlling presence of fear?

It’s possible!

Fear #2

So what do I care what others think of me? Seriously, what are they going to do to me? Will my friendships evaporate? Will future friendships with the “right” people never materialize? Or is it the person who stares at me in the mirror that I am more concerned with?

The truth is these people are the only ones I see and it does matter to me what they think. I don’t like to admit how much it matters in some areas but it does. Otherwise I would be wearing different clothes, like those they wear in different parts of the world. Or I would style my hair differently. I’m kidding myself if I think all of my purchases/choices are because I think they stylish or are the right ones . There are a lot of forces at work in the marketplace/my choices and fear is one of them.

Part of this comes back to me living a sold out life for Jesus Christ. I know I don’t have to do a John the Baptist and wear camel hair clothes and eat locusts. But, there is something different about the people who sell out for Jesus Christ. Maybe it has to do with my belief in the love of God. Dan Merchant said the following: We kind of don’t really believe [God's] love is that powerful, because if we did, we’d behave differently. People respond to grace and forgiveness and redemption. The gospel works. We just don’t trust it.”  (page 63 of July/August issue of Relevant magazine).

Maybe we need to live by faith, seeing the one who does love and sends people out as his followers and who sticks with them and who protects and allows hardship to occur so he can accomplish his purposes. I never really gave it much thought…maybe eating locusts wouldn’t be all bad. Ok, today I am going through all of my clothes and getting rid of all the good looking ones and, ok I’m really not. But I do resolve to seeing him who is at work all around me and believing in his love a bit more. I also resolve to allow myself to be loved so I can then love others.

Fear

Watching the news this morning and the reporting of the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers financial institution. What struck me was a surge within me to give some room for fear to take root. So I gave it some thought and realized I really do not have anything to fear at all.

Part of it was the way the story was being reported with intensity. And not just intensity, but with a spirit of potential impending doom. Most advertising has this effect. My car is going to break down. Someone is going to break into my home. Ill health is just around the corner unless you use our product. And so on. Fear, like sex, works when it comes to selling.

Unfortunately the church has used fear to move people to make decisions for following Christ. “Turn or burn” and all of those attractive phrases. There is a difference between warning someone and scaring them. I know fear has its place. But, not the kind of fear I see most of the time and not the kind of fear I see being used to motivate people. 

My questions: “Are you living in fear?” and “Do you use fear to motivate others?”

Noticing change, noticing people

Living in relationship with others means observing change in them from time to time. It’s an interesting thing to observe. Sometimes I applaud the changes with them. Sometimes the change is self-destructive and I hope the damage is contained and short-lived. I know others observe these same things about me.

I think the worst is when I get so self-focused that I fail to understand or appreciate the many and different forces at work in the lives of those around me. For instance: circumstances at their job, family challenges, financial forces, internal issues that are surfacing, the fight of faith that pulls us toward the dark side, seemingly random encounters with strangers all have their impact on us. 

I’m reminded that this life is not about me again. 

None of us live single dimension lives. We are complex people with a variety of relationships. When I notice change in others around me I want to get better at demonstrating grace, speaking truth in love and acceptance.